Think on the Good Things

Today is my Mother’s birthday, so she is on my mind a lot this morning….but of course, that’s nothing new. I think about her – and my Daddy – every single day….

When you are blessed to be very close to your parents….everything changes when they pass away….and you have to make up your mind how you will think about things – how you will go on.

I can remember being concerned when Daddy died – wondering how Mother would cope. She had been taking such dedicated care of him for so long and much of her life was devoted to him for several years. A couple of days after his funeral, we were talking on the phone and she said, “Lisa, I didn’t just lose my husband, I’ve lost my job. I’ve got to find a new direction – a new purpose so that I can keep going. I can’t just sit around and feel sorry for myself” And then, I watched her do just that. I thought how smart and how courageous she was….and I relied on her example when I lost her ten years later.

As I said, everything changes when you lose someone very close to you. The world just feels….different. After her death I grieved, of course, but also I worked very hard to think about how best to go forward – to decide what I would think about and how I would handle everything… For example, when someone mentioned my parents, would I be sad – or would I be glad that they were remembered? When I baked one of her recipes, would it bring me joy or sadness? Would I be solemn when I visited a restaurant we used to frequent together – or would I smile and remember all the good times we had? When I wore a piece of her jewelry, would it be a symbol of loss – or a reminder of great memories, blessings, and joy?

My cousin Betty helped me tremendously one day when she said to me: “Lisa, I know three things as surely as I know anything. Jeannie loved Jesus and she loved you – and she would want you to be happy.” I have thought of Betty’s comment over and over these past 2½ years….and I know she is right. Mother always wanted me to be happy – and she still would! So, I have tried very hard to remember to be just that! In other words, I have tried to think about what I think about – and choose to think on the good things. We really do get to choose, you know. (This can be such hard work – but very worth it!) I’ve tried to “program” my brain to celebrate the blessings and memories and lessons. Now, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes I am sad – and that’s okay. Sometimes I want so badly to pick up the phone and call my Mother – to ask her a question, to share some good news, to hear in her voice that she is proud of me. Sometimes, I just let myself be sad…..but not for long!

Two weeks to the day before Mother passed away, she said to me “Lisa, I don’t want you to be sad when I’m gone. Promise me.” I replied, “Mother! I can’t promise that! I am most certainly going to be sad! I will miss you!” She persisted, “Well, you can be a little bit sad of course, but Lisa – don’t wallow in it.” Her kind, wise words were such a caring gift to me.

Is it an easy thing to not be sad? No, it’s not….it’s a choice that you make over and over and over again…..but it’s so worth it!

Six months after my Mother died, I attended an event where I would be meeting Michael Learned. Miss Learned played the role of the mother, Olivia, on the 1970’s television program, The Waltons. When we met, she was seated and I was standing. I introduced myself and told her that I wanted to let her know that the work she did decades ago on that television program still had an impact today. I then told her that my dear Mother had recently passed away. At this point, she held up her hand to interrupt me, then stood to face me and took my hand. “What is your Mother’s name?, she asked. I told her that it was Jean. She continued to stand and held my hand while I told her that during Mother’s final few weeks, she was unable to get out of bed but that she kept a bright smile on her face every day – that her room was never sad to anyone who entered it. I also told her that her hospice team and the staff that attended to her knew to avoid scheduling anything between 11:00 am and noon – because that was when the television show “The Waltons” aired. Mother looked forward to watching it every day, and it brought her such joy.

Miss Learned (still holding my hand) looked me in the eyes and said caringly, “How are you doing?”. I told her I was doing okay. She then took my other hand, looked upwards, and said “Jean, this is Michael. I am here right now with Lisa, and I want you to know she is doing okay. She really is doing okay.”

And you know what? I am – and I am so grateful.

Perspective Matters

Perspective Matters

Finding the Beauty Around You!

Philippians 4:8

New International Version (NIV)

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things.

Perspective is a choice. Our attitudes, opinions, and points of view are built over time. The things we choose to place emphasis on directly impact our outlook.

For example, one of my hobbies is photography. I dearly love to find interesting and beautiful things to photograph and share with others. Whether I’m driving my car, taking a walk, or simply sitting on my patio, it is my habit to almost constantly search for great setups for pictures. I so enjoy seeing beauty and capturing it to share.

Yesterday afternoon was rainy in the Missouri Ozarks. During the late afternoon/early evening, the rain stopped and the skies cleared. The colors in the sky were spectacular, and I drove to a lake outside of town to take a few pictures as the sun sank behind the Ozark Mountains. Sunsets happen so quickly – and I was rushing to try to get a few good shots. The skies over the water were truly breathtaking, and I marveled at the beauty. When I got home, I eagerly looked through the pictures I had taken and was a little disappointed to see some of the beautiful scenes interrupted by multiple power lines I hadn’t even noticed when setting up the shots. As I said, I had been in a hurry and with all of the amazing beauty I simply had not seen the power lines until I got home. The pictures highlighted what I hadn’t even noticed – because I was so focused on the beauty around me.

I’ve heard that there are two sides to every story, and I definitely agree. We each view the world and even our daily events through our own lens (built over time by our backgrounds, our priorities, our choices, and our experiences) – and sometimes the interpretations and outcomes are amazingly different. It’s a little bit like the old “Gossip” game that has been played in classrooms and other group gatherings for years. Do you remember? Everyone stands in a circle and the leader whispers a made up “secret” into someone’s ear. That person then whispers it to the next, and the next person passes it on. The whispered secret travels quietly around the entire circle, one person at a time. The last person has to state out loud to everyone what the secret is – and it is always fun to see how the sentence has completely changed as it goes around the group.

Different interpretations of real-life situations happen as well. I remember a time several years ago when I was having lunch with a friend after church. We both mentioned that we had enjoyed the pastor’s sermon that morning and started discussing the points he had made. That’s when we realized we had each sat in the same church service but had somehow heard very different messages. Neither were incorrect – but our interpretations and personalizations of the message were very, very unique. PERSPECTIVE makes the difference!

Finding the positives, the beauty, can sometimes be difficult. When I took the pictures displayed at the top of this post, I was so delighted by the beautiful colors in the sunset blending with the brilliant red roses. I was absolutely thrilled with those shots, and I eagerly posted them for my Facebook friends to see. I laughed out loud when one friend, Vicki, asked if I had laid down on the ground to get a shot from that angle. To tell the truth, she was almost correct! (Good eye, Vicki!) I had knelt down on my knees, low on the pavement and took about 12-15 different shots before I found the angle that worked for me. I’m sure I must have looked so silly to passers by…..but I worked diligently to find the most beautiful vantage point.

Walking by at a normal viewpoint, this is that exact same spot. Go back to the second picture above. You can see this crosswalk sign behind the roses.

Finding the beauty is a challenge I strive for every day. It’s always there. Changing your perspective can change your life! Truthfully, sometimes you have to get down to look up. Sometimes you have to focus on one thing when many distractions are buzzing around you. Sometimes you even have to be willing to be a little silly!

Do the work!

It is well worth it.